understanding the north node
It’s often advised by astrologers to not openly share your natal chart. Still, this is important.
North Nodes and South Nodes signify one’s personal life path. South being habitual while North being salvatory.
My South Node is in Sagittarius and my North Node is in Gemini. Every now and then, I find myself understanding these aspects differently than the last. It is a life path aspect so I can expect my understanding of it to evolve and deepen with time.
It’s already taken a while for me to actually understand what the nodes were. Then, for a while, I thought, oh okay, sagitarrius south node because I used to move around a lot and gemini north node because I need to work on my communication. It is much much deeper.
I think what I am understanding now is that, there had been this hunt of mine, a search for god.. an investigation to find where the divine is hiding so I could have a talk with it face to face. This is where I come from, literally and figuratively.
Today, as I walked along a bridge towards a 7/11, I was reminded of a conversation I had a few weeks ago and one that I had about 2 years ago.
“I feel like everyone in my life is so ‘out of sight, out of mind’. I’m never around so it’s like no one is ever thinking of me.”
“Everything around me reminds me of someone I love.”
You can take your guess on which is which.
I wonder if my streak of bad luck and disappointment has kept me running, searching for, if not a difference, a reasoning.. but a part of me knows where belonging is and.. what it feels like . I know that i’ve just been coping this whole time, that connection is truly out there, that my journey is one towards humanity and connection.. that I can spend my days taking my thoughts and feelings to god or the trees but how will they cultivate if not taken to other humans? Gemini energy isn’t as simple as talking and socializing, it is a dual one, it is curious. It gives as well as takes. Interestingly enough, I don’t crave an intense depth from people. I don’t. I’m weary of it, actually. Not that I think it’s bad but people do scary things when they have access to you in that way- at least in my experience.
My search for god is shifting. I look for humans. I look for life on earth.
My thoughts on this part of me are still premature but it’s all been ever so highlighted.
I will tell my parents everything from now on.